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Euro-english

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#1
robzor

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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather then German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Goverment conceded that English spelling had some room for improvment and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan, that would become known as Euro-English.

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboard kan have one less letter to worry about. There will be growing enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will be words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Govermants will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer, ze unesesary "o" can be droped from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ez oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

#2
Lobotomy Lobster

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I wish I had more admin powers so I could delete this topic twice

#3
Dani

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Lighten up. Its a joke.
The Girl

#4
Wingers

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i saw this joke on facebook the other day, it made me laugh!!

#5
Shinobi

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D:
<span rel='lightbox'><img src='http://r3dcloud.net/files/shinobi.gif' alt='Posted Image' class='bbc_img' /></span>

#6
Arabth

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a too bad did seem like good changes on the english for me ;)

#7
robzor

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indeed... fotograf > photograph anyday of the week!

#8
Reian

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Not sure if that was harder to read or easier to read than i expected :P.
mostly cause apparently i kept replasing all the words in my head ;/
al (was al short for allen)
Kan i kept reading as clan (which is kinda weird all told i guess ;/)

But the worst one was I have now read fotograf ass foofaff 3 times... Apparently german dyslexics have it hard :P

#9
robzor

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the language is a mess :P. I've been reading and writing for years and still I find words that I can never remember how to spell

#10
Reian

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the language is a mess file:///C:%5CUsers%5Cphutton%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_image001.png. I've been reading and writing for years and still I find words that I can never remember how to spell


Is this about english? cause I've been reading and writing for years, and it's not tooooooo complicated, 90% of the time. The real bitch is in the grammar, for example
In the house where i used to LIVE there is an exposed LIVE wire, which was left THERE by the previous owners after THEIR dog chewed through the wall, sadly THEY'RE not going to pay for damages.

(And that’s not getting into my complete lack of properly used commas.) XD

Edit: yes I am a 'native' speaker so i should no better. but i don't :P

Edited by Reian, 29 January 2013 - 10:06 AM.


#11
Wolf

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I am a 'native' speaker so i should no better. but i don't :P


lol this, sums it up perfectly

#12
Reian

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arse. The fullstop and but was entirely deliberate.... but i have just noticed I got know wrong ;/ (but really this isn't a problem with english... it's entirely my fault for being a retard) DX

#13
Armgas

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English spelling/pronounciation rules are fucked up to say the least. Basicly the only rule there is, is that there is no rule. You have to know the etymology of the word and how it entered the language to work out spelling/pronounciation. And even then you might get it wrong.

The only other language I know that follows that principle is Danish.

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Screw the emperor.


#14
Reian

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I guess, I just tend to read the sentence out loud (in my head) and usually it fits. (I think assuming that even 20% of people understand the derivation of a word and thus which language it takes it's 'rules' from is pushing it.
But that's what i like about it, there are legitimately like 4 pluralisation’s of octopus, because we've bastardised so many different languages (and cultures) that we can't do it 'wrong' it's just a 'new' way of doing it right.

And I tend to find only ‘grammar nazis’ and English teachers really care (I mean, as much as I understand the ‘there’ issue, in context it’s usually pretty obvious that if I rite a word wrong I didn’t mean that I didn’t ceremoniously acted upon that word in an incorrect fashion.)

Edited by Reian, 29 January 2013 - 05:36 PM.


#15
Armgas

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I'll give you an example of why english is fucked up:
Colonel <- WTF??!!?!?!?! pronounced like "kernel"?!?!?!. The reason for this is it was an Italian word for the guy ahead of a column of soldiers. The word then made it into French, and from there into English. Problem is, at the time both the French and Italians had an R-L confusion. So several spelling forms existed. The british eventually decided to use one of the italian versions of the word, but removed half of the ending that shows it is diminutive.
Colonel hence is "small column" roughly spelt and pronounced like they did in 1580's in Italy. You don't stand a chance at getting this one right.. you just have to know.

I am no language nazi. I am just saying that english is horribly complicated for people who are not exposed to it every day.

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Screw the emperor.


#16
SpuD

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Sucks to be you guys then :D

#17
Reian

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arh, ok i guess i was thinking more about spelling words wrong due to how they are pronounced, rarther than saying them wrong cause of their spelling.

For example from my point of view while not 'acceptable' it is entirely understandable, if you were to write about how Leutenant Kernel Sharp fought for the Danes in the Battle of Waterloo.

And while i agree that in school we should attempt to speak/ spell properly, it's less relivent if you spell somethign wrong as long as everyone knows what your on about. Like i said a significant amount of our language stems from peoples inablitity spell/ pronounce words correctly.

#18
robzor

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I am just saying that english is horribly complicated for people who are not exposed to it every day.


English spoken between two people whose mother tongue Is something else then English usually makes more sense to either of these people then If they were to speak to a native english speaker. Most likely due to weird accents.


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